Do You Have To Choose Between Fulfilment And Having Fun?
There is a law in mathematical logic called ‘The Law of Excluded Middle’. It states that for any proposition, p, either p is true or its negation ¬p is true.
In simple terms, this law asserts that there is no middle ground between a statement and its negation; a statement must either be true or false, with no other alternative.
To accept one truth, you have to reject the other one. You cannot have both.
It is closely related to Boolean algebra and binary values, which deal in 1s and 0s only — where 1 is true and 0 is false. Boolean underpins the functionality behind computers.
But what if this law is also applicable to how we make our decisions in life? In that case, how do we apply it?
Life choices often involve complex, multifaceted considerations and can have a range of outcomes that are not strictly binary. Therefore, the Law of Excluded Middle doesn’t seem as clear-cut for the philosophy of life as it does to other fields.
But we can see parallels of it in the work of philosophers. For example, Confucius famously uttered the words ‘The man who chases two rabbits, catches none’ meaning that if you try to pursue two goals that are in two different directions, you will fail at both.
Likewise, Alan Watts believed that insecurity is an inevitable feeling in our lives. So long as we try to remain secure by excessively maintaining control of every feature of our life (be it our money, our relationships, our looks, our talents, our health, our status) we will always feel insecure. We must simply accept and embrace the inevitable insecurities of our lives. We must accept that choosing to live life hedonistically will lead us to neglect our intellectual talents. We must accept that devoting our lives to building our business might mean that 5 years from now, we won’t be as close to our friends as we once were.
This is something I’ve been reflecting on as I try to reconcile the fact that I simply cannot have it all and that if I want two seemingly contradictory things — I have to choose one of them.
Fuzzy Logic
I don’t mean to suggest that fulfilment and having fun are always incompatible. There are lots of brilliant and happy people who have plenty of fun. The Law of Excluded Middle has limited application to everyday life. Equally, fuzzy logic (developed by Lotfi Zadeh) challenges binary logic and introduces the idea of partial truths, where values can range between completely true and completely false. This is arguably more applicable in human decision-making, where choices and preferences are often not absolute but exist in degrees.
In fact, in a study of over 1800 individuals from the Study of Mathematically Precocious Youth, who were all in the top 1 per cent of cognitive ability at age 13, it was found that those deemed exceptionally successful were, on average, physically and psychologically healthier than their less successful peers. This finding challenges the notion that high achievement necessitates significant personal sacrifices.
However, it cannot be denied that we will face times when there are two things we desperately want but cannot simultaneously have. I’ve seen it play out in my own life and the lives of those around me.
I live in the heart of London. This city is full of other ambitious professionals like me who have fancy corporate jobs and spend their free time at elite social gatherings, loud parties raves, bars and nightclubs. I’m at a pivotal moment in my life where I could be using my 20s to have as much fun as possible and taking advantage of my basic 9–5 lifestyle.
Much of the time, I stay inside even though I secretly wish to be out and about, chasing highs. But when I am out, I can’t help but feel like I am betraying myself. I know that if I stay out longer, then the next morning I will wake up with a hangover, an inability to get out of bed until noon, and a horrifically weak attention span when I do. The next thing I know, it’s Monday, and I am resentful that I did not write anything or find time to read another book.
It seems nearly impossible to balance an avid social life with my determination to read every book I possibly can, master my writing and eventually become self-employed. I have a spreadsheet full of coding projects I have yet to start, screenplays, novels I plan to write, and articles I plan to post.
This ever-growing list of work I’ve given myself means I often feel burned out and dissatisfied with my progress. Still, it feels like all of that is worth it. I recently decided that I’ve chosen to value fulfilment over having fun. So when faced with a difficult decision, I have to choose the one that prioritises fulfilment. Perhaps this feeling is temporary, but it does not seem like I will be able to maintain both.
“I like to think of fulfilment over happiness. Happiness seems like a kind of immediate thing — like getting some kind of stimulation or drinking will make you happy. But it won’t make you fulfilled. Fulfilment is a longer-lasting emotion. It comes from wow I spent two years doing that. I made what I set out to create. I feel fulfilled. It’s a wonderful feeling. It’s the greatest high in the world.” — Robert Greene
Creativity Demands Mental Suffering
Ironically, the emphasis on failure is an essential part of the hero’s journey to newfound brilliance, to fighting devastating obstacles. There is this heavily dramatised idea that ‘creativity demands mental suffering’.
Consequently, some people are left with a dilemma of not wanting to be too happy with their life or themselves, out of the fear that it will make them too comfortable where they are. Many studies attempt to draw this link between anxiety, depression and creativity. The tormented artist is an overrated trope, but I can’t write it off entirely.
Sometimes I meet people who were former child prodigies — math whizzes, musical geniuses and gifted athletes. At some point in their life, they ended up neglecting that talent. Maybe they chose hedonism. Or maybe they chose a less intense career path where they do not shine the same way, but are nevertheless still happy and having fun.
Perhaps it’s because I was not born gifted, but I fail to understand them. If someone asked me whether I would choose greatness or happiness, I couldn’t help but pick greatness. I fear that I will learn the hard way, to be careful what I wish for.
It’s also possible that a decade from now, I will realise that I should have just had more fun. Rest assured, many of my counterparts will have the opposite realisation.
