Your Dream Isn’t Meant To Be Followed
“It’s the thought of Mecca that keeps me alive. That’s what helps me face these days that are all the same…I’m afraid that if my dream is realised, I’ll have no reason to go on living. You dream about your sheep and the Pyramids, but you’re different from me, because you want to realise your dreams. I just want to dream about Mecca.” — The Alchemist
I remember in one of our daily standups at my previous job, the manager leading the meeting asked us to state what our dream jobs are. Maybe I was being naïve, but I was surprised that everyone named jobs that were so different to their actual roles at the company.
People gave answers like ‘food critic’, ‘talk show host’, ‘professional sportsperson’ and ‘forensic scientist’. Creative people named technical jobs. Whereas technical people like me named creative jobs. I, a data analyst, felt comfortable enough to give my honest answer too — I wish I could be a screenwriter.
That exercise we did reminded me of what the purpose of having a dream actually is — not necessarily something to follow but just something to allow us to escape from reality. The dream enables us to idealise ourselves, and fantasise about who we think we may be capable of being.
Many people fail to follow their dreams. Even when they do, following the dream they think they have often just leads them to changing their dream. That’s when we know that we dream to escape, not to realise.
The Helpful Delusion
Part of growing up is realising that your dream is most likely just a delusion, and a helpful one at that. It helps you cope with the mundane repetition of every day life.
The sad thing is that for some, their dreams are the only thing they have. And that’s why they start to suffer from their delusions. Yet even so, people with even the most severe cases of delusions sometimes have the ability to admit reality. These are often the ones who get diagnosed with personality disorders and medicated with antipsychotic drugs.
I recently read this poignant memoir/article about a man who ran naked through the hallways of his apartment complex, hysterically screaming ‘Catherine, where are you?’ because he believed the actress Catherine Deneuve (whom he thought he had a special relationship with) was coming to visit him in person.
This man later admitted to his son that deep down, he knew that Catherine wasn’t real. But that without the delusions, he felt like he had nothing. He said ‘I know God and Catherine aren’t real. I know they’re not really talking to me. I just have a strong imagination. But I don’t know what I would do without them. I have nothing. I don’t have family nearby. I don’t have a job. I don’t have a girlfriend. I don’t have money other than the pension. They’re all that keep me company.’
Dreams may be fake, but their impact is far from false.
Letting Go of My Dream
My grandfather passed away on May 11th this year. He was a dreamer and a doer. He is one of the fortunate people in this world who lived his dream.
My grandfather’s life was meaningful. He made it to Mecca — literally and figuratively.
After beating cancer at age 76, he went to Hajj, and even continued to work as a medical examiner and doctor until the pandemic. That’s how much he loved his work.
Two months before he passed away, he said to my dad ‘I have achieved everything I’ve ever wanted in my life’.
I long to feel the same as my grandfather did about his career. I suffer from the very typical fear of reaching old age and realising I did not achieve what I wanted out of life.
It’s even harder when my dreams seem to lack the stability and oneness of my grandfather’s. I’m much more of a dreamer than I am a doer.
My dreams seem to be there as consolation rather than a calling. I wanted to be a famous chef. I wanted to be a musician. I wanted to be an activist. I wanted to be a data scientist. I wanted to be a screenwriter.
My dreams live and die. They always change. Thus, I fail to follow my dream fully, because I have to be realistic about what is feasible - and aware of my tendency to become infatuated with a new dream when I feel bored. Some dreams just aren’t meant to be followed.
I’ve always been desperate to escape from the dullness of today. I’ve been like that since I was young and that’s why I dream so vehemently. I happily let my dreams become delusions. But truly living and following your dream involves facing the dullness, not ignoring it — just as my grandfather was able to do.
In the meantime, I will write without any hope of ever making a living off of it, and work in my job without ever seeing it as my dream.
